January 21st, 2008

January 21st, 2008 was my memorable date. I will never forget this date for the rest of my life. I dont know how to describe this date, whether it was really a significant and brutal date to remember. Anyway, for sure it really added some spices to my life so that I would be ready for the next day for what ever happen. I believed what Mom said to me earlier that the tests and hurdles that I was going through will break the jinx and will make me stronger.

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Dad took a leave after came back from his journey. I noticed that he was still tired and caught a flu from a bad cold winter. I pity him. He pity me too with my condition so in other words we were pity each other. Dad told Mom to get ready by 11.45 a.m and to let me fast by 11.00 a.m. I was still strugling with the pain and grandma just put me in her arms and comforting me. I saw Dad was busy at his computer and Mom was preparing food for bro Ikhlas and sis Adah after returned from kindergarten. From time to time I continued my crying irritatingly and at the same time I just wondered how the operation will feel like. I was really scared to death. Only god knows how I felt.

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Mom packed her clothes too since she will accompany me at the hospital. A doctor told Mom at least a day to stay during last visit. When we arrived at the registration counter and finalised the payment, we were brought into the pediatric ward. It was quiet and there were two other patients sharing with me. I was feeling so hungry. My stomach started pressing and twisting hard for food. All I managed to do was crying continously.

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Dr Zul visited me about 2.30 pm. I heard he was explaining to Dad what will be the operation like and it will be a quick operation. The Doctor told that he needed to close the holes between my abdoment and the groin at the right and left. About one and a half inches long for each side. I saw Dad was focusing his mind to the doctor and fowarded few questions for clarity. Eventhough I was not fully understood but I swear that it was going to be another terrible thing to happen. Now I realised that within two months I visited the doctors more than five times.

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I was sad when Mom surrendered me to a nurse. I was crying asking her not to leave me. But what could I say? I was helpless and hungry. The last words I heard Mom said was be a brave boy and get well soon. Mom and Dad are dear to me. They were always beside me when I was facing any problem. Their words miraclously adding some strengh for me to endure the painful moment.

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I dont really know what did the doctor do to me. I only realised that I was handed over to my parents a moment later. Everything seemed to be fine. I saw Dad was patiently waiting for me and give me some kisses. "Everything is going to be fine". That what Dad said to me.

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Dad said that life is a journey. We are the one who will destine our journey. Either we will end up in the perfect destination or slip along the way. It depends on how we are going to handle it through our wisdom and knowledge. My life just started. And I learned that life is not that easy to handle. And I wish that the I could avoid anything bumpy and slippery so as to reach my perfect destination.

My Sleepless Night

I dont really feel comfortable since Dad left. I was crying all the time. I was sleepless during day and night. I wish I could tell Mom what is the problem. Mom always thought that I was crying because I was feeling hungry and warm. She put my mouth to her nipple but the discomfort feeling never subside. She stripped my clothers but I was still crying. The thing is that I was feeling so painful between my abdoment and groin. I dont know what it was but everytime when I try to move I can feel the pain. I pity Mom. Whenever I cry, she will also cry. My sleepless night will be her sleepless night too
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The next day Mom discover that there was a hard lump near my groin. The lump will grow bigger whenever I cry and this make Mom little bit nervous and panic. Grandma told Mom that possibly it was a 'hernia' and grandma continue saying that operation might be neccesary. I was scared. This must be something to do with seeing a doctor again. I already experience lot, please not again. For sure this must be dealing with needle again. Perhaps this is my closest assumption.
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That night I heard Mom was talking to Dad. Dad already in Turkmenistan. Mom told Dad what had happened to me. They were discussing something going to the clinic tomorrow morning. I only managed to hear their conversation from a distance.
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That morning Mom brought me to meet Dr. Khatijah. She stripped me naked and inspect my abdoment and groin and comfirmed that it was a hernia. She told Mom to take me to the hospital immediately for an operation. My heart was beating so fast. I can see Mom's face with a weird expression. I know Mom was worry about me and definately Dad will be worry about me too.

Sometimes, I feel that this world is unfair. This world is cruel. This world is full of probability and possibility. You can never expect what is the going to happen. Mom said that perhaps this is the first test that I am facing. If I remain strong and brave I will clear this test and the next test will be easier for me to handle.

Going On The Jet Plane

Dad told me that he will be away for 10 days. He will be on the jet plane. I can imagine that the places will be far away from me. I will miss Dad so much. I will miss his kisses and and I will miss his hugs as well. Dad said that he is going to have a meeting in Istanbul and Turkmenistan. I already knew Bandar Sungai Buaya but this two places are very alient to me. Dad said if I want to go there, just keep a wish in my heart and that intention will florish when I grow up.

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Mom told me that Dad is going for work and he got to complete his mission. Honestly I dont really know what Dad is doing. But the way I look and feel about it, Dad must be a very busy man. Mom always reminded me that I also can be like Dad flying high in the sky and travel all over the world if I work hard and be a smart boy.

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I saw Dad was packing his clothes into the huge luggage and Mom was assisting Dad to arrange the clothes. The way I looked at it Dad is going to have a very long journey. Dad told Mom that his friend will drive him to the airport. I wish I can send Dad because I also wish to see the airport. Mom told me that the airport is for the jet plane to land and take off. The jet plane can take me up high in the sky like an eagle spread its wings and gliding in the blue sky. It must be a very wonderful journey.

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Suddenly I heard that Dad's friend unable to make it because his maid ran away. Dad got no other choice but to inform Mom to take him to the airport. So Dad asked Bro Ubai, and granma to accompany him so that grandma can take care off me when return from the airport. I cannot remember anything along the journey because Mom told me I was sleeping soundly.

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Sis Kiz already left me but now Dad already flew away. I dont know when will others are going to leave me because one day, I'm going to miss everybody. Mom came to comfort me saying that the life is like a season, always comes and goes. There will be a time when the autumn will replace the summer, the spring will replace the winter, the summer will replace the spring and the winter will replace the summer. But life must go on...........

Meeting a Doctor Again

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Mom brought me to see a doctor again. This time was for the hipertitis B injection, the first dose. Since Dad was so busy at home, grand dad has to drive us to the clinic. Everybody was in the car except my two big brothers. As usual they would prefer to play football. I was indeed so scared and this was another nightmare to experient. I felt like to tell mom that it was enough. I did not think mom would really bother to listen to my complaint. I know, as usual mom will tell me that this will be the time for me to be a hero. I have heard these words for so many times and can speak her mind already.

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First when we entered the doctor's room, mom will greet with salam. The doctor was a lady and mom told me that this was the doctor that mom brought all my brothers and sisters to see her when they were small. Initially, the doctor stripped me naked. Oh...how shameful I was. She put me on the weighing machine that read 4.5kg. The doctor was surprised and noticed that it was an incredible increment of weight i.e. additional of approximately 1.5kg since I was born. I was not paying attention at that time because I was crying profusely asking mom to put on my clothes. I heard that mom told her that I was actively asking for milk all the time.

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The moment I saw the Doctor pulled a needle from her cabinet my heart was trembling. When bro Ikhlas saw the needle he questioned the doctor what was she trying to do to me. Bro Ikhlas showed his punch to the doctor if she dare to disturb me. Mom smiled to her and us and inform us that the doctor would not harm anybody. The Doctor was trying to keep us fit and healthy so that when we grow up we will be a strong and active person.